Dear Angelo,

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Unfortunately he is emotionally unavailable for me.

Sincerely, Needs A Hug

Dear Angelo,
 
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He is a great guy and we have a really great relationship.  Unfortunately he is emotionally unavailable for me. I feel that because of certain abandonment issues he experienced as a child he is unable to give me the affection and emotional support that I need or want. 
 
We are this far into our relationship and he cannot tell me he loves me and whenever I am hurt or upset about something he tries to run away.  I do feel that he loves me, but I really don't think that he will ever be able to look me in the face and tell me that he does.
 
Besides these issues, he is really everything that I could ever ask for. We are great together!  Is it possible for someone to actually get everything they want out of a relationship? I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life with someone who can't be there for me emotionally.
What do you think?
 
Sincerely, Needs A Hug


Dear Needs A Hug,

If you can stop by the office I'll give you a big supportive hug. Meanwhile, I only have words to offer. I hope they help.

No one gets everything they want because life isn't always fair. Having said that, you have a choice. To collapse and give up, or to rise and take personal responsibility of your situation.

Relationships are a balancing act. You have to weigh the parts of the relationship you like with the parts you don't. This will help you see what you're netting. Based on the overall quality of the relationship, you can then put your best thinking with your best feeling to make the best decision. It's a difficult choice. Keep what you have and work at it, or cash it in and hope to trade up. You won't be sure if it's the right course of action. You can only make the best judgement you can at the time.

Have faith in the fact that it sounds like you know exactly what you value and what you want in a relationship. You have to trust yourself. You partner needs to speak the same language if it's going to work. Your man may send you flowers, but if you need to hear those three words then you won't feel connected.

The litmus test of any relationship is in the answer to one fundamental question -- Are you really there for me? Will he put you first when it really counts? If you feel his answer is "no," or "maybe" at best, then the relationship will be troubled.

In a nutshell, it all boils down to three A's: awareness (seeing what's happening), acceptance (accepting the fact of the situation), and action (deciding what you want to do about it).

Best,
Angelo