Dear Angelo,

I took in an ex-con (theft) to help him out and fell for him. He has a ot of potential. He's great looking, charming, and very charismatic. We have incredible sex.

Trouble is he disappears for days at a time and I think he took my gold chain. But I know deep inside he's a good erson. If he'd only straighten out a bit it'd be perfect.

You know how lonely gay life can be, so I don't want to miss this opportunity t love. But how can I make sure I don't get hurt?

Signed, Dreamy

Dear Dreamy,

For starters -- Wake up!

You sound like a good man with a warm heart who looks for the best in people. But this time I want you to stop fantasizing, open your eyes, see his bad qualities, and focus on what's best for you.

You've been nothing but generous and kind to this guy and how does he repay you? He steals from you and disappears until he needs something from you. That doesn't seem like a caring man or husband material to
me. What does that tell you? Leopards don't change their spots. He doesn't care about you. He's not showing up for you. He's an opportunist who only cares about himself. He's preying on your vulnerability to get what he needs. I bet he hasn't done anything for you (other than put out) to express his love and gratitude. Do yourself a favor. Pack his bags, put them outside, and lock your door.

In order to get your strength, concentrate on who he is right now and how he's treating you today -- that's reality -- not on who he could be and how it could be if things were different -- that's denial. Once he straightens himself out -- fine -- have him look you up then. But this isn't a personal project or a stray cat. You can't take him in, fix him up, heal him, and solve all his problems. You can't love him so much that he eventually loves you, giving you what you want.
Unfortunately, you can't rehabilitate a wounded man by loving him unless he wants to reform himself.

You're far better off being alone than being used or mistreated. Don't settle for crumbs. Throw this one back and try to catch someone more deserving of you.

All The Best, Angelo

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