Dear Angelo,

I'm currently single and desperate to find someone to love as opposed to the usual one night stand. I recently met someone online and we have many things in common. We seem to be addicted to each other and we have planned on meeting in person soon. The problem lies in the distance between us, not only in geographical terms, but in age.

He lives in San Francisco and I reside in Los Angeles. He is 21 and I am 26. I really don't know how this is going to work out since neither of us is looking to relocate any time soon. I dunno if the age difference is a positive factor. Should I get over my fears of failure and give it a shot?

Signed, Desperately Seeking Love

Dear Desperately Seeking Love,

Your mention of the long distance and age difference don't concern me as much as the desperation, addiction, and sense of failure do. It's hard to make good choices under such emotional duress. And a sense of desperation, love addiction, and inadequacy, can create the basis for an unhealthy co-dependent relationship.

Thus, it may be wiser for you to concentrate on being your own boyfriend right now. A lover shares your joy, not makes it. Love isn't about getting something you don't have from someone else. The source of love comes from inside of you, not from another person. You can't rely on someone else to feel your own self-love; that's not a legitimate measure of your worth. So it might be worthwhile to focus on fulfilling yourself by meeting your own needs and making yourself whole with a healthy consistent dose of self-love. You are the only one you can depend on to give yourself consistent love 24/7. And ironically, it's having this inner peace, joy, and confidence that will attract men to you.

Having said that, true love always has a chance. While long distance relationships can be challenging, they can work out with enough devotion. And as far as the age difference goes, age is just a number. Base things on his maturity level and how well you click, not his age.

All The Best, Angelo

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