Why does it seem as though so many gay men find it hard to get over past relationships? I have seen so many gay friends be deeply hurt and destroyed by relationships they cling to, even if they were bad.
Signed, Straight Ally
Dear Straight Ally,
First off thanks for your caring letter and support. We need more of you.
As far as your question goes, many gay men get emotionally wounded from not receiving an adequate amount of the love and support they desperately need and deserve from family, friends, colleagues, the world, and each other. So for many, love seems scarce. They may go on with a hole inside, starving, craving for love to fill it.
Having wandered around in the desert, being thirsty for years, finally finding a bit of love is like finding a drop of water for some gay men. Surely, once they find any, they want to hold on to it for as long as they can. Doesn't matter if it's polluted or not. Who can blame them for clinging, not wanting to let the love they found go? They know how hard it can be when things get all dry out there.
But release is an important part of life. We must learn to be able to let go and trust that better love is yet to come. In fact, our true soulmate and allies won’t be able to come into our lives until we clean out the old love - who wasn’t our soulmate - and all the hurt in our hearts. This becomes easier if you focus on the abundance of love, not the absence.
Last time I was on Miami Beach, I looked at all the people soaking up the sun. I realized no matter how many people were on the beach, there would be enough sun for everyone. The same is true for the Universe, Mind, or Spirit. Given this powerful Life Energy, Prana, or Chi, there will always be enough of everything to go around -- money, time, love -- and anything else! The secret is believing this Ultimate Source is good. It's always for us and never against us. It favors you and only wants to bring you good things. Trust in this Presence, i.e., knowing you're never alone, you're loved, and you can expect good things, aligns with this Energy, this Truth, and returns to you everything you want like a basketball bouncing off a backboard.
All The Best, Angelo