I met this hot guy outside a gay club. We had a fantastic night. Everything just clicked. It's like we had one rhythm. We danced, kissed and had incredible sex as one body, laughed, talked and he says I make him crazy. But he never spends the night, calls me back when he says he will, makes solid plans and stuff like that. But when we do get together we have a great time, although his eyes roam easily. I don't know what to make of it. I really like him and he says he really likes me.
Signed, Is He For Real?
Dear Is He For Real?,
He seems a little shady. Nine out of ten times you have to believe a guy's actions over his words if there's a discrepancy. He may rock your world, but if you don't get the gut feeling that you're his world when he's with you, then something's off.
If you can keep it light, have a good time and take it for what it is, then flow with it. But if you're feeling him and think you may be being "played," then you might want to call it an early night before it gets messy.
It's hard to come by crackling chemistry and it's terrificly seductive when you find it. It's intoxicating. But be careful not to let infatuation blind you to what kind of person this guy is or you could get hurt. Next time you're together, put his hotness aside and focus on how he treats you. Make sure he makes you feel good both in and out of the sheets. If not, tread carefully with your heart.
All The Best, Angelo
I am very out. But while I was traveling recently, I played along when several guys I met along the way (from sophisticated places like London and Sydney) mentioned hot chicks. I was surprised at myself. Am I going back in the closet?
Signed, Retro Hetro
Dear Retro Hetro,
Coming out isn't over when we first out ourselves. It's a life-long process. We're constantly deciphering how far to be out, when to be out, where to be out and with whom. No matter how much work we've done, the gay shame monster can creep up on us at any time and we may play it straight to pass and blend. It's more comfortable. We're nearly guaranteed acceptance, belonging and an easier time, especially in a new pack of men.
Don't berate yourself. Instead ask "what can I learn from this experience?" I encourage you never to hide who and what you are. Realize that there is nothing wrong next time with saying "I'm gay" unless you feel unsafe. Don't assume you'll be rejected. Heck who knows, maybe the guys think you're hot. They could be feeling you out too. Don't sell yourself short.
All The Best, Angelo.
Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
The Gay Man's Therapist
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Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C., All Rights Reserved