I started talking to a hot guy I liked at the gym. Things went well. When I got enough encouraging signals I aked him if he wanted to grab a drink sometime. He said, "yes." So I gave him my number, a pen and a blank piece of paper. He took my number and handed me back the pen and blank paper. He said, "I'll text you my number." Of course, he never did. Why would someone snow you like that?
Signed, Snow Job
Dear Snow Job,
The only way we'll ever know "why" is if we ask him. Don't rattle your brain. You can't control how someone else acts, but you can control how you respond. Rejection is a four letter word - Next! I encourage you not to personalize his behavior. He's simply not a match for you. Get right back on the horse and try again with some other hottie.
Continue to hit on all the hot guys you like. Even if 999 of them turn out to be just pretty packages with junk inside, number 1000 could be the one. But you'll never get your Mr. 1000 if you stop trying at number 3.
Dating requires stamina. You can't get discouraged, feel defeated, insecure and give up. Keep going. Know you're a prince with a glass slipper just searching for the right fit.
But remember, don't be fooled by a dude's appearance. It's not just what's on the outside that counts. It's what's on the inside that really matters.
All The Best, Angelo.
I'm a girl who wants to be a guy. I'm afraid to tell my mom. It will hurt her. What do you suggest? She already thinks I'm a lesbian that just can't come out, but I actually like guys and consider myself gay. Is that normal? Please help.
Signed, Closet Transgender
Dear Closet Transgender,
I encourage you to come out and be who and what you are. Take your attention off of disappointing others and put it on revealing your true nature. You hurt no one else by accepting yourself. Yes, others may get upset in your family. But you rob no one else by being yourself. Others will have their thoughts and feelings about you, but that has nothing to do with you. It's their's. Let them own it. Don't take it on. Until you come out, you keep yourself and them living a lie. Go for the best in your life and have no guilt about it. Your local PFLAG chapter can be helpful.
As for part two of your question, the sexual orientation of a transgender person is based on their gender identity and not their body. It's based on what's between their ears not what's between their legs. So rest assure, it's normal for you to consider yourself gay, since you identify as a male who likes men even though you're still female bodied.
All The Best, Angelo.
Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
The Gay Man's Therapist
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