Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote
plus Masturbating When You're Not Single
I want to start being nonmonogamous but my live-in boyfriend of 8 months wants to stay monogamous. He's not closed to the idea, but he says, "not now."We talked about it and we're just stuck. What do we do?
The question to open a relationship or not is one that many gay couples face. The answer depends upon each partner's personal make-up, values, and life-experience. I tell couples that in order for an open relationship to work, both partners must want it. If one partner agrees to it just to please the other, then it's a recipe for disaster. Even when both people want it, an open relationship is hard to navigate successfully. Since your boyfriend doesn't want it now, I say- don't do it.
You've only been together for 8 months. He may need more time to be in relationship with you to build the kind of intimacy and trustneeded for a healthy open relationship to spring from. Meanwhile, try to appreciate the beauty and rewards of the one-on-one commitment he brings you.
Maybe what you both need is a little patience.
It is normal to be happy and sexually fulfilled with your partner and still feel the need to pleasure, enjoy and in fact, even look forward to that one-on-one time with yourself on a regular basis. No need to worry. Masturbation can be a complement to an alreadyterrific sex life. Knowing your body wellcan even enhancethe sex you have with your partner.
In some instances, masturbation can be addictive and self-detructive.You need to worrywhen you'd rather masturbate thanhave sex withother people,or whenmasturbation causes problems and interferes with you having your life -when you lose control.
The Gay Man's Therapist
Would you appreciate a safe, supportive environment to talk about personal concerns? Get useful tools from a specialist who understands.
Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003. Worldwide Telephone Consultation Also Available. www.AskAngelo.com