Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote

Angelo Pezzote
M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
 Do Gay Men Turn More Tricks Than Straight Men?

Dear Angelo,

Are gay men more promiscuous than straight men?

Signed, Saints or Sinners

Dear Saints or Sinners,

I'll let you and the readers decide this one.

According to a 2004 ABC News: "Primetime Live" Poll: American Sex Survey, straight men report a median of 8 sexual partners in their lifetime. The median is the midpoint between the highest and lowest reports. It's a more reliable measure than the average because it's less skewed by extremes.

While I wasn't able to find any similar studies for gay men, anecdotally, I know some gay men have 8 sexual partners over a weekend in Palm Springs, Fire Island or Provincetown - heck, even right here in Chelsea!

Whatever the numbers are, be careful not to judge and categorize yourself, or any one else, as either a "saint" or a "sinner" (I bet you were raised Catholic). Many of us grew up with damaging, shameful religious views about sex. We have to free ourselves from such negative and limiting ideology. Things aren't so black and white. I mean who defines what's "promiscuous" and what's "virtuous?" A colleague of mine once joked "'promiscuous' only applies to someone that's having more sex than you."

Having sex is a healthy part of being human. As long as you: know your HIV status and your partner's, get tested for HIV antibodies every 3-6 months, protect yourself and your partner by having safe sex every time; And as long as you're NOT: avoiding your intimacy fears, a sex addict, perpetrator or cheating - I don't think it matters whether you sleep with 8, 80 or 800 people in your lifetime.

All The Best, Angelo.

Dear Angelo,

I meet other guys at various clubs and we strike up a conversation. We eventually give each other our e-mail and / or phone number. I call and e-mail and don't hear back. Why do gay men play these kind of games?

Signed, Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

This is a real bummer. While gay men do have a lot of obstacles to overcome in forging relationships, it is absolutely possible to find love.

While you can't control other people, you can control how you think about and react to the situation. Remember, dating is like fishing. You have to keep throwing your line out there to get something good. You may have to toss some "bad" catches back into the sea, but sooner or later you'll hook a good one to take home. Getting a good man doesn't just happen. Dating requires focused effort, commitment and a bit of stamina to keep putting yourself out there. You may have to dust yourself off a few times, but return to home plate and keep swinging. Like they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. Don't give up. You're match may be waiting just around the corner.

There are a lot of quality gay men out there just like you who want to find a relationship with substance. Clubs aren't the best place to look for them. The best thing to do is to get involved with activities, groups, and organizations your interested in that also have gay men around. Put the thought of meeting a man on the back burner. Focus on being yourself and enjoying what you're doing. Be friendly yet assertive. Someone you click with will be sure to cross your path.

All The Best, Angelo.

Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

The Gay Man's Therapist

Would you appreciate a safe, supportive environment to talk about personal concerns? Get useful tools from a specialist who understands.

Podcasts, Teleseminars, Advice On Demand, Workshops, Groups and Private Practice Available. Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003.

Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C., All Rights Reserved

White Party Passes

Enter to win a weekend pass to White Party 2019! Winners will be announced on April 5th.

Mailing List