Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote
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Are gay men more promiscuous than straight men?
Signed, Saints or Sinners
Dear Saints or Sinners,
I'll let you and the readers decide this one.
According to a 2004 ABC News: "Primetime Live" Poll: American Sex Survey, straight men report a median of 8 sexual partners in their lifetime. The median is the midpoint between the highest and lowest reports. It's a more reliable measure than the average because it's less skewed by extremes.
While I wasn't able to find any similar studies for gay men, anecdotally, I know some gay men have 8 sexual partners over a weekend in Palm Springs, Fire Island or Provincetown - heck, even right here in Chelsea!
Whatever the numbers are, be careful not to judge and categorize yourself, or any one else, as either a "saint" or a "sinner" (I bet you were raised Catholic). Many of us grew up with damaging, shameful religious views about sex. We have to free ourselves from such negative and limiting ideology. Things aren't so black and white. I mean who defines what's "promiscuous" and what's "virtuous?" A colleague of mine once joked "'promiscuous' only applies to someone that's having more sex than you."
Having sex is a healthy part of being human. As long as you: know your HIV status and your partner's, get tested for HIV antibodies every 3-6 months, protect yourself and your partner by having safe sex every time; And as long as you're NOT: avoiding your intimacy fears, a sex addict, perpetrator or cheating - I don't think it matters whether you sleep with 8, 80 or 800 people in your lifetime.
All The Best, Angelo.
Signed, Fed Up
This is a real bummer. While gay men do have a lot of obstacles to overcome in forging relationships, it is absolutely possible to find love.
There are a lot of quality gay men out there just like you who want to find a relationship with substance. Clubs aren't the best place to look for them. The best thing to do is to get involved with activities, groups, and organizations your interested in that also have gay men around. Put the thought of meeting a man on the back burner. Focus on being yourself and enjoying what you're doing. Be friendly yet assertive. Someone you click with will be sure to cross your path.
All The Best, Angelo.
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