Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote
plus Attracting Young Men
By Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
My Ex called me saying that he was in pain and considering suicide. While I was at his place, he admitted to things he has done that hurt me deeply in the past and apologized. Instead of being upset, I comforted him since I thought he needed more than I at that point. Now, I feel upset that he could do all these things, admit to them and still lean on me for emotional support. I eventually found out that he had just broken up with a guy that lied to and mistreated him. He even tried to put a move on me after crying but he stopped when he passed out. I don't like this and know he is out of control. He has said that he feels alone and has indicated to doing some crazy things sexually. He was even drunk and smoking like a sailor that night he called for my help. I am upset and hurt but don't want to hurt him more if I am the only person he has. What should I do?
Signed, Mother Teresa
Dear Mother Teresa,
Most of us rely on our support network of friends to cope with life's problems. A true friend is someone who's there for you when the chips are down. But when do we cross the line? Your Ex is suicidal and behaving in a self-destructive manner. The best, most caring, thing you can do for him when he is like that is to call 911 or take him to the emergency room to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Then recommend a competent therapist to him. He may get angry. Just remember you aren't hurting him. You're helping him. You deserve to be thanked.
You would call an attorney if you were being sued, a doctor if you broke a bone, a mechanic to fix your car or an exterminator to get rid of roaches. Often we try to handle mental health problems alone, with loved one's, our hair stylist, massage therapist or personal trainer when it makes more sense to get professional help. Most of us think, "I can handle things myself." But mental health professionals are trained experts. Seeing a professional doesn't mean your sick, crazy or weak. It just makes sense to get the help you need. If you had an infection you'd take an antibiotic. That doesn't mean something's wrong with you.
I admire your devotion to your Ex. Such loyalty in a person is something to be treasured. It's clear you still care about him even though he's hurt you in the past. But you don't have to take care of him. He's an adult who must take responsibility for himself. Sometimes friends can take advantage of having a kind ear and lean on us when what they really need is professional help. Having to play therapist for him will actually strain your relationship more - not help it.
I am a 55 year old guy that constantly gets hit on by younger guys. Some of them are so young they could be my son. Why is it the young guys hit on me? Am I sending some kind of wrongmessage?
Signed, Sugar Daddy
Dear Sugar Daddy,
Yes, some guys do approach older men for money masked as love. But this can also be an unfair stereotype that keeps older and younger men apart from one another.
Many young guys prefer older men. Maybe you're comfortable in your own skin. Men are attracted to confidence, especially if they're in their twenties. This is when they're still trying to figure out life and who they are. They may be drawn to your maturity. While you want an equal partner and don't want to be in the role of someone's father, we are all each others teachers in our relationships to some degree.
Attracting young guys isn'ta bad thing.Don't presume they just want you for your money. They may like you for you. Get to know each guy. Judge each person and their potential for relationship with youon their own merits.
The Gay Man's Therapist
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