Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote

ang051504
Angelo Pezzote
MA, RPh
Question: Could you please recommend a good place to meet some quality gay friends?

Answer: I salute you and support your desire to connect with other gay men. With that "no attitude" approach you are already well on your way to new friendships. And there really is no place to find people called friends. If you want friends you have to go out and make them. Here is how.


The best strategy is to get involved in things that are important to you that also have the potential to meet people. A good rule of thumb that I have is to try something new out about three times. If you like it, stick with it, and if not, give it up. But pick activities, social groups, or organizations that interest you for what you are passionate about not for who you might meet there. Ask, "what do I like?" and start doing it, not "where can I go to meet cool friends besides Starbucks beach?" Choose things for their inside value not outside value.

The rationale is that by doing what you love you will likely encounter others doing it who have the same interests as you in a common place - which is a great starting point for friendship. Friends also have friends and tend to hang around with other like-minded people that could be a match for you too. So someone you meet might later invite you to a party where you will be introduced to more potential friends. A sort of ripple effect happens. You will also be happy doing things you like to do, which will make people want to be around you. This helps in making friends. Finally, even if you do not make a friend you are spending time doing something you care about. So just because you do not make a friend somewhere does not mean all is lost. In summary, if you like to hike get walking on a popular trail. If you love exercise join a class at the gym. If you connect through meditation or prayer attend a service of a spiritual community. You know what to do for you.

Lastly, stay open to what the image of a friend might be for you. Friends are friends. They do not have to look a certain way. Do not think "I only hang out with gorgeous blonds that are 6 feet tall." The nicest friend could be different.

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