Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote
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Do you think I should go to astraight conversion therapist?
Signed, Unhappy Being Gay
Dear Unhappy Being Gay,
Conversion therapy is damagingto gay persons and I am against it.
The reason some gay persons seek such treatment to be straight in the first place, is not because they actually want to change who they are. Some gay persons seek such extreme treatment only when the self-loathing that goes along with being gay in our gay unfriendly culture has gotten to an unbearable level. Shameful self-loathing is not intrinsic to being a gay person. It comes fromthe lifelong gay stigma or society's continuous hostile discrimination of GLBT persons.Prejudiced treatment from birth to death leaves gay persons with damaged self-esteem.To name just a few discriminatory esteem killers: we can't get our love affirmed by getting married, serve openly in the military, visit our partners in the hospital, or readily show our love in public. We have trouble adopting, being allowed to be near children or becoming priests. Many of us can get fired from work and were rejected from our beloved families, friends, coworkersand religious communities.The message we get is "I'm not normal. I'm sick, bad and wrong for being whoI am." We'reousted from the mainstream. The shame and pain that such rejection brings, causes some gay persons to seek such straight conversion practitioners to be accepted and belong - to fit in and have a chance to feel normal andloved - like anyone else. They do not actually wish to change a core part of themselves - theirsexual identity. This is who they are. Gay persons overwhelmingly say that being gay is not a choice or a question of morality. Scientific researchis pointing to a biological cause. No one wants to change the essence of who they are. What gay personsreally want to convert or change isall the hardship that comes with being gay not being gay itself.They want the pain that comes from being gay to be taken away so they can live a better life. If being gay was socially acceptable, there would be no such straight conversion treatment sought.
What gay persons need most is therapy that affirms being gay and helps them to deal with and change the toxic social attitudes that gays have had to endure, so they can create a fulfilling life for themselves as gay persons.
All the best, Angelo.
I loaned someone money for rent over the internet. I have never met this person, but I trust him. Do you think thiswas a bad choice?
Signed Loan Shark
Dear Loan Shark,
I wonder if you're a lonely shark instead. You have a kind generous heart and that is good. Don't ever lose that. But you must choose the persons you give to wisely. My concern is that your goodness may get taken advantage of easily.
Sometimes you may have a tendency to use money to buy people's affection. You may use money as a tool to getpeople to like you. But beware of this pattern. Seek to have people in your life who are there because they wanna be - because they like your person and your company, not becausethey can get something from you.
All the best, Angelo.
The Gay Man's Therapist
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