ang082107
Angelo Pezzote
M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

 Make More Friends

 and

 Is Honesty Always The Best Policy?


Dear Angelo,

What's the best way to make more friends? I try to go online, the gym, Starbucks, and the bars, but nothing seems to work. Most guys aren't that friendly. What do you suggest?

Signed, Desperately Seeking Sincerity



Dear Desperately Seeking Sincerity,

I was recently serving for jury duty, which is a couple of days in New York City, and I was struck by how much people kept to themselves. I returned over and over to a room of about 150 people for two days, and there was virtually no interaction. People were more interested in their cell phones, Palms and MacBooks than in talking.

I thought, if this were a playground and we were kids, things might be different. Often as young children, "hi my name's Joe, want to be my friend?" is all it takes. What happens to our openness as we grow? I wondered how many adults sitting there wanted to make friends, but just didn't. I knew there were a lot of guys I wanted to meet. But nothing happened. Surely something seemed to be inhibiting everyone. I felt sad as I reflected. It's not you and you're not alone.

I think you make friends by doing several things that interest you on a consistent basis over a period of time, where you will also encounter the type of guys with the qualities you want. Ask not "where do I go to meet men?" but rather "what do I like to do?" So if I like meditation, and want to meet fit, warm-hearted men, I might commit to attending gay yoga class every Sunday at 1pm for several months.

All The Best, Angelo.


Dear Angelo,

Is it OK to lie about your age online?

Signed, Forever Young



Dear Forever Young,

It depends.

If you're strictly looking for sex, it's alright. If you're 38, but can pass for 28 - why not? Why let a silly number decrease your response rate? Besides, a guy who puts "no one under 30 need appply" may end up liking you when he meets you, proving how limiting and arbitrary a number really is.

On the other hand, if you're looking for substance, tell the truth upfront. You want someone who likes you for you - exactly as you are. Plus integrity is attractive and trust is the best foundation for a relationship. If age turns out to be a factor, then he's wasn't for you. Remember, you're the prince with the glass slipper

All The Best, Angelo.


ang082107
Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

The Gay Man's Therapist

 

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