Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote
Plus Under Age Tricks
I am in a monogamous gay relationship with a straight guy. He still has girllovers but he tells me he loves me dearly. Do you think he really wants to be with me or that he just loves me because of the material gifts I shower on him?
Signed, Confused Submissive
Dear Confused Submissive,
Be careful here. I would go right to the source. Talk to your man about your relationship. What might you ask? Cher sings it best, "I give to you all you ever want. Will you still be there, will you pull me through, when the cash don't come?...Will you love me baby, when the money's gone?" I do not want to see you taken advantage of. You may also reflect on these questions - if your boyfriend is still sleeping with women, is your relationship really monogamous? Does he consider himself bisexual? If he is bisexual, then it seems like you could negotiate some clear boundaries regarding your relationship and your priorities as a couple. But you write he identifies as straight.
Other men play gay for pay. This means that they are heterosexual, but sexually very liberal. They love women at heart, but they can have sex with men. At best, money, gifts, or being financially cared for, are simply payoffs for their same sex behavior. At worst, the money acts as denial for their dangerous internalized homophobia - "I just had sex with a man, but I'm not really gay." In other words, they're gay men who hate themselves. In the early 1900's, Freud believed some heterosexuals repressed homosexual tendencies more strongly than others. In the late 1900's, Dr. Henry Adams of the University of Georgia, conducted a study on the relationship between homosexuality and homophobia. The study showed that more homophobes than nonhomophobes got sexually aroused when watching same sex porn. Such self-loathing gays must cleanse themselves after gay sex. Gay men have been murdered when they don't pay these type of hustlers. For the hustler, getting the money means they're not gay. Being gay would strip such a "man" of his manliness and be shameful. In this way, extreme homophobia safeguard's his masculinity and by extension his identity. Contempt, another face of homophobia, develops toward that which threatens his manhood, i.e., being gay and by extension other gays.
I'm 28. Under age guys follow me and want to sleep with me. What should I do?
Run. Clearly, having sex with a minor has dire moral, psychological and legal consequences. Child abuse is always wrong. In many states, child sexual abuse is defined as "sodomy, oral copulation, penetration of a genital or anal opening by a foreign object, even if consensual, with a partner of any age" forminors under 18.The minor is really looking for money, love or attention and not sex. As the adult in the situation, it is up to you to make the right choice for them. You must say "no." Perhaps you could tell them about the local GLBT center where they can access needed resources.
The question you want to be asking yourself is - "what in mefinds sex with a minor tempting?" It may be the younger part of you that never had sex at that age. This loss is normal. Heterosexuals experiment during puberty. Many gay man don't get that same chance. But be wary. Do not project your need for the love you never got then, to be a good thing for you to do for this young man now.You'll do more harm than good to both of you.
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