Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote
and Lesbian Dating
I just don't get why lesbians seem to so easily reject post-op male to female transsexuals. I am excruciatingly lonely. Sure I have friends, but what I really want is a female partner that is there for me everyday and vice versa. I justattended women's week in Ptown. I was surprised at how many lesbian partners there actually looked like men. I could tell that some were taking testosterone. I am quite femme. What gives? Any thoughts? Thanks Angelo!
Signed, Frustrated In NH
Dear Frustrated In NH,
First let me set up our readers. A post-op male to female (MTF)transsexual is a biological male who is female and gets a sex change to be female bodied. A MTF can be gay, bi or straight.
I actually get this question a lot now. It's a fascinating one.
My take is this. Lesbians can be just as transphobic as the general population. Transphobia is thedislike of people who transgress their expected social gender role as male or female.Unfortunately people don't understand transgender people. People mistakenly see one's gender role as matchingtheir biological sex.It doesn't have to. If you're a man who is perceived as being feminine, or a woman who is perceived as being too masculine, you'll face severe discrimination.
A person's gayness does not guarantee they are not prejudice, racist, classist, or mean anything about their views. For example,we have our very owngay republicans! Go figure. The Afro American community can be very homophobic.Suffering from racism does not make them liberal overall. So just because someone is a minority in one sense, does make them tolerant in others.
The masculinization of some lesbians is about gender expression, how a person communicates or shows their gender,not gender identity. Lesbians identify as staunch women (gender identity) even though they may appear masculine (gender expression). These ladies are not male identified even if they look manly.They maywrongly still see you as a "man" since you were born with a penis. Using that faulty logic, they may also strongly resent male oppression, andnot want to partner with a "previous" one. But you are a woman, so that's crap. Don't take it. Stick up for yourself and educate them.
Dear Left In The DustIn London,
It saddens me to hear of betrayal. It hurts deeply when someone turns out to be someone other than we thought. The best you can do is to let grief run its course and move forward. Learn from it for next time. This makes you a stronger and wiser person.So it's worth it in the end.
Hallucinations are most often described as when we see things that aren't there. But there is another kind of hallucination - when we don't see something that is there.When we are falling for someone, we ignore or overlook the red flags. We so want to find the one. Next time, pay more attention to your intuition. Let someone earn your trust from experience over time.You may want to read my MSN / Match.com feature story How To Spot A Player linked from midwaydown my Welcome Pageat www.askangelo.com.
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