Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote

Angelo Pezzote
M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
 Holding Onto Lost Love
 plus What's He Thinking About Me?

Dear Angelo,

Why do so many gay men find it hard to get over past relationships? I have seen many gay friends be destroyed and deeply hurt by relationships.

Signed, Straight Ally

Dear Straight Ally,

First off thanks for your letter. We need more of you. As far as your question goes, for a person who has been thirsty in the desert for years, love is like water. They want to hold on to every drop for as long as they can. They know what it's like when it's all dry out there.

Most gay men are wounded from never getting the love they needed anddeserved fromfamily, friends, the world or each other. So they are starving and they crave love. Who can blame them for clinging to love and not wanting to let it go? Some still do this even if the love was "bad."

But release work is an important part of life. They must learn to be able to let go. Their true soulmate won't have room to come into their lives until they clean out the old lover - who wasn't their soulmate - in their heart.

Dear Angelo,

I still hang out with my ex. We have talked and it's clear that we are just friends. But he still kind of shows affection for me. I never really know whether its cuz he's being a friend or if he's still in love with me. What do you think he's thinking?

Signed, Gray Area

Dear Grey Area,

My intent is not to be flip or unfeeling, but since neither of us are mind readers or psychics, you have to ask him how he feels. Neither of us have any idea what he's thinking. All I can do is help you with your thinking. This is important for me to say out load because so many couples expect to read each other's minds.

Direct communication with the source is scary as hell, but its always the best route to take. His answer will give you the clarity you need. Get it straight from the horses mouth.

From the words, "kind of," in your question, I can't help but wonder if you are seeing a mirage. Sometimes we project our feelings onto others. It might help to reverse the question - are you still in love with him? Are you seeing something you want to be there that isn't? Just a thought. :

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Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

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